State of the Society Report 2008

Summary of Monthly Meeting Reports

Each year, we of New York Yearly Meeting of the Religious Society of Friends labor together to report on the state of our society. We ask that God, Spirit, the Inner Light—that which joins us beyond our individual human intellect and is not cumbered by time and space—reveal to us what is, informed by the past and by that which is yet to come. We ask for the wisdom to hear beyond the words, to hear both what is spoken and what is not spoken, as we seek to unite in one Body under the Holy Spirit.

Faith and Practice urges us to undertake a “searching self-examination” of the spiritual health of each meeting and of the Society as a whole. Holding ourselves up to the Light can be an uncomfortable, sometimes painful process, requiring discipline and a willingness to submit to God’s time. As our hearts and minds are opened we hear the words of our foremother, Margaret Fell, in the 1656 Epistle to Convinced Friends: “Consider one another, and provoke one another to love and to good works . . . And dwell in love and unity, in the pure eternal light; there is your fellowship, there is your cleansing and washing.”

At the end of 2008, we asked Friends to consider our spiritual health by responding to four queries sent to more than 90 monthly meetings, preparative meetings, summer meetings, and worship groups in New York Yearly Meeting. 54 meetings wrote in return.

Query 1: How does love manifest itself in your meeting, in your communities and in the world?

Love is manifested “by our patience, perseverance and endurance,” by tender caring through large sorrows and small shared chores, by quick response in personal emergencies and the steady repetition of meetings held and promises kept. “Love does not fail but strengthens the more we love one another.”

Many meetings spoke of dear Friends lost to death or distance; grieving their absence was part of love’s deepest work. “We feel love manifested in our celebrating the lives of members whose loss we mourn, even as the living spirits still speak to us.” A prison worship group reminded us that change is part of the journey: “Change, just as the Creator, is in us and around us. Whether we choose to embrace it or ignore it, IT will BE (thy WILL BE DONE).”

All across the Yearly Meeting, Love sings in the expectant silence of worship. For many meetings, “Meeting for worship arose consistently as the most important aspect of meeting life, in many ways defining one’s entire experience of our meeting.” The best worship—whether it consists of a deep and centered silence out of which vocal ministry may or may not emerge, or a service that is informed by the work of a pastor and enriched by a ministry of music—is full of vitality. Adults are not the only speakers: “A child in our meeting has helped us stay accountable to [our] goals with her questions, her warm love, and her own open sharing. Our shared stories have brought to our quiet worship a deepened sense of love for each other.”

Pastoral meetings wrote of being enriched by the vocal ministry of their pastors, by the pastors’ gifts in nurturing care, by music programs “strong with joyful and willing volunteers”; by gatherings where the Bible and other inspirational materials are read together. Many meetings are blessed by the active participation of children in meeting for worship. Though many struggle financially, they seek to use the full spectrum of their resources in abiding by Jesus’ admonition to “love each other”: “We follow Jesus’ teachings of ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and soul and mind, and love your neighbor as yourself.’”

Many Friends from non-pastoral meetings lifted up the importance of their worship, expressing appreciation for the quiet, for “the search,” and for being part of “a group that listens for that still small voice.” “During Worship there is usually a deep and comfortable silence—a quiet sharing as each person listens for divine leading and holds in the light the concerns we have for one another’s needs.” Sometimes, however, there is a discomfort with the silence or with unseasoned messages. “Our meetings for worship are most often totally silent.

This is welcomed by many, but some spiritual nourishment before we center down would be a help to worshippers.” Another meeting wrote, “Though few messages may be expressed in the silence, it is during ‘after thoughts’ that friends frequently reflect on an expressed message or on recent events in their lives or community.”

In the meeting family we find humor, solace, and a place to turn when we are lost, a “house of love.” Friends from many parts of NYYM “repeatedly lifted up the need for closer connection to others in the meeting.” Friends are actively searching for ways to seek the Spirit in the company of others, not just in the First Day’s meeting for worship, but in spiritual friendship groups, worship sharing groups, support groups, care committees, clearness committees, meetings for healing, retreats, potlucks, movie nights, and more. Across the Yearly Meeting, there has been interest this year in mid-week meetings for worship. One meeting found that “mid-week worship has been deep and spirit filled in a way that is different from Sunday worship. . . Is it because we ‘choose’ to be there, without the obligation of Sunday work?” One meeting invited children to come with their parents to a newly formed spiritual friendship group, “giving them the opportunity to listen as adults speak their faith.” Other meetings have formed intergenerational committees, and several meetings asked children to help answer the State of the Meeting queries.

Love pulls in against the stretching out of geography. “Because of our small numbers and wide geographic area, we continue to find it difficult to create and maintain a sense of community.” Web sites, e-mail, phone calls, and car pooling reach across space.

Again and again, Love rises up in response to anger and rupture. “Like a family, we do not always understand one another and may not get along.” But then, as another meeting wrote, “perhaps we become more aware of the spirit when we are wrestling with something difficult.” Still, for the most part “the love that connects us comes before all of our differences.” One meeting put it this way: “We need to find a way to forgive each other, to forgive ourselves. How can we expect the world to do it if we can’t?”

Clearness and support committees lift up not just the individuals they are centered on, but the whole meeting. One meeting nurtures its spiritual community through a structure of eleven clearness and support committees. In holding each other up they feel a radiating love that is a source of the meeting’s vitality.

Understanding the diversity of people and ideas was a frequent example of Love’s work. Although shared theology can focus a meeting, disputed theology can open new understanding. “We’ve accepted spiritual diversity as strength in our meeting, not weakness . . . We’re learning that the process of working towards unity takes a long time.” “Sometimes this is hard to swallow! Being in unity can sometimes mean that we are not yet in unity.”

Much threshing has been underway regarding sexual orientation and marriage. Minutes have been approved, such as the one stating, “The spirit and light of God can be found equally within heterosexual and homosexual persons and their relationships.” One meeting expressed its embrace of diversity through a posted greeting in multiple languages: “We welcome everyone into our fellowship and do not discriminate on the basis of color, ethnicity, national origin, gender, sexual orientation, handicap or other worldly attributes.”

Truly embracing diversity requires truly knowing the other, no short-term task. As one meeting said, “We are laboring with these issues, and trying to treat each other with tenderness. We regret that we do not always succeed in this regard.” The same meeting wrote, “We pray that we may continue to work together, laying aside differences, so that we may seek the living Spirit fully, as one body.”

Query 2: Does the spirit of worship extend into our committee work and into meeting for worship with a concern for business?

Meetings understand the challenge of making practical decisions in a spirit of worship. Certainly it is a widespread practice to begin and end business and committee meetings with a period for centering worship—although one meeting added dryly, “That said, it seems that the meetings themselves proceed on a secular basis.”

Friends have several methods for preserving the spirit of worship during complicated or contentious business. Some meetings use one or more elders to sit with the clerks and silently hold the meeting in the Light. One meeting found that gathering around a large table enables “a sense of deeper intimacy, openness and honesty.”

At times, intervals of “secularity” may preserve a larger spiritual goal: “We sometimes find it helpful, in the middle of a business meeting, to move into an informal, time-limited exchange of ideas on a topic before returning to what we see as the prayerful consideration of a meeting for worship with a concern for business.”

Throughout the Yearly Meeting, Friends try to “hold issues up to the Light when clearness is not apparent.” Sometimes, “In a business or committee meeting, momentum ... leads to making a decision in haste without allowing Quaker process to take place. Aware that emotions can cause the meeting to fall out of worship, we are rigorous about calling ourselves and one another back to worship by going back into silence until the process is restored.”

Another meeting wrote, “We are often challenged to not override the length of time it sometimes requires. Reducing the length of meeting for business, in particular, is an on-going effort.” Many meetings have worked to deepen their understanding of Quaker process, saying that “there should be a heavier reliance on Faith and Practice in our committee work.” And repeatedly, “gentle humor often enhances our efforts to speak directly and respectfully to each other.”

Query 3: What efforts are you making to reach out to people in your community and grow your meeting? Is advancement a priority?

Meetings were divided about whether advancement should be a priority. In one meeting, “Several Friends expressed discomfort with the term ‘advancement.’” Another wrote, “Proselytizing is an uncomfortable option.” One meeting stated, “Advancement is not a priority. Quaker Meetings seem to us to have a natural life of their own. As long as we are not trying to hide our light under a bushel basket, people will find us.” If, “to the best of our ability, we live out testimonies,” then it will happen that “those around us learn that the source of who we are is our faith.” By “letting our lives speak, we call others to Truth.”

It may be, however, that NYYM Friends are more divided in their definition of advancement than they are in actual practice. Even meetings that renounce advancement have new guest books and procedures to follow up with interested visitors. Web sites, newspaper ads, and better signs are placed where seekers might find them.

Witness itself can be a form of advancement, as when a meeting hosts the Eyes Wide Open project or displays a prominent banner stating that Torture Is a Moral Issue. Sponsoring a high school peace prize and a week-long peace week camp brings the word “Quaker” into local prominence. A meeting that holds a craft fair writes: “Besides the money, the Fair is our way of showing ourselves to be a living church in the community.”

Meetings with old historic meetinghouses use them for outreach and advancement, holding book fairs, ice cream parties for the neighborhood, and historical celebrations. Space within meetinghouses is offered to the local community. One meeting has made its restoration project a public event, participating in historic tours and giving community presentations. “In all of these, we are interpreting Friends’ history, explaining the Friends’ testimonies and beliefs, and seeking support for our restoration efforts.”

Some meetings are willing to embrace advancement by name. “A new committee for advancement was formed this year.” From another: “We are especially anxious to attract young families with children in order to enhance our First Day school.” An active advancement committee may organize a Friendly contingent in a local parade, add a letterbox with Quaker literature for outside the meetinghouse, or sponsor movie nights open to the community. Several meetings seek to reach out to nearby universities and schools. And outreach is also in-reach—“Whether or not we attract folks from outside the meeting, the gatherings sponsored by Advancement are a time of connection and fellowship.”

One meeting explained the balance between worship and outreach this way: “There was a sense that big numbers may not be so important; instead we want to discern together what God is calling us to. Even so, we find ourselves doing outreach and education, talking to anyone who is interested about Quakers.”

More humorously: “Advancement is important to us. Ministry and Oversight has spent quite a bit of time reviewing various approaches, and while we’ve been so engaged, we’ve found to our surprise and delight that the Meeting has advanced on its own behind our backs.”

Query 4: Especially in this time of economic uncertainty, are you taking stock of the meeting’s financial health and planning for ways to help those in need?

While some meetings reported rising membership and stable budgets, many others worried about numbers. “We rejoice in new members; at the same time, we are concerned about diminished participation overall.” “The decline in active participation has impacted fulfilling routine obligations. Individuals have to perform multiple duties and serve on multiple committees. The dedication of regular attenders has allowed us to continue forward.” “Sometimes it seems as though it’s the same people who end up doing the work.”

Another meeting wrote, “Although we feel stretched beyond our practical means, we are grateful that the spirit of worship is often present.”

Quaker budgets were tight well before the economy tightened. For some, prudence and community suffice: “We haven’t many resources, we must carefully consider our budget and we look to other ways to share with each other, from responsibilities and interests, to toys and children’s clothing.” Another meeting wrote: “Our annual budget has had to be tightened as we have been challenged by the death of Friends and a shrinking donation base.”

Property—where we meet, how we take care of it, and whether satisfying its demands on resources unduly limits our ability to contribute to other, perhaps more worthy, causes—is of great concern to many meetings. Pastoral meetings struggle not only with maintaining properties and supporting ministries to the needy of the community and to NYYM, but also with paying pastors’ salaries and the expenses of the parsonage.

However, meetings facing too little space or too much crumbling plaster have found unity and new vigor in the effort of deciding to remodel or rebuild. “We are challenged to continue to think creatively, rather than to be discouraged.” And from another: “Even our discussions about selling the meetinghouse and finding another location are an avenue for us to consider the needs of various individuals.”

Those without meetinghouses also found reason to rejoice: “Our meeting is not encumbered by the costs of maintaining a meeting house, which allows us freedom to think about ways to direct our monies to those in need.” Although it may be vexing to have no home for a library or First Day school, “reviewing the situation reminds us of what we hope to create, and nudges us out of the complacent ease of just doing what we’ve done before.”

A number of meetings had to take more strenuous measures when 2008 budgets failed to balance. “Our 2008 budget exceeded our funds and that became increasingly critical as the year progressed. The budget shortfall mandated a spending freeze in the last quarter and suspended printing of the newsletter, a cherished communication within our community.” One meeting entered a period of profound self-examination when, “faced with another budget shortfall, the meeting found itself unable to unite around an austerity budget.”

Lack of money has driven plainer speech: “This year, the meeting reached unity on sending an annual letter reminding Friends of the meeting’s financial needs, and asking for help in the form of anticipated giving.” Another meeting wrote: “Certainly financial planning is needed as well as love.”

Many meetings were firmly optimistic: “So far, we have always been able to find necessary funds through the generosity of our members and attenders, the wider Quaker community, and the Spirit.” Others have funds set aside in advance for assistance to members and attenders, should the need arise.

Whether or not funds arrive as we wish, there are old-fashioned virtues to be found in austerity. As one meeting reminds us, this difficult economic time is a “‘teachable moment’ for living in simplicity.”

Conclusion

New York Yearly Meeting is in the process of being re-formed. In our Meetings for Discernment, we sit in extended worship, sinking into the stillness and listening with compassion to messages that speak to the condition of each meeting. We are learning trust and empathy. Our coming together is not without struggle, and sometimes not without tears. Nevertheless, as we hold ourselves up to the Light and are pruned by the Holy Spirit, new growth emerges and the fruits of the Spirit—love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control—become more and more visible.

Some meetings are experiencing growing pains that manifest as shrinking pains. All meetings struggle to some degree to live out our basic tenets of tenderness, compassion, patience and persistence as we learn to speak our truth and act as one. Sometimes as humans we mangle this effort. We can explode over any issue close to the heart, revealing deeper conflicts among us. But wherever we are in the ebb and flow of our meetings, we remember to unite in worship

One meeting, referring to a quote by Dietrich Bonhoeffer, said they are “grateful for whatever measures, large or small, of ‘spiritual knowledge, experience and love’ that have been given us. And we are just as grateful for revelations of our ‘weakness, small faith, and difficulty.’ We accept both as gifts from that spirit who is also called Love.”

As we learn to accept and love the other within ourselves and within the New York Yearly Meeting community, we are able to embrace the stranger without. We then radiate an irresistible, boundless love that makes possible the Peaceable Kingdom—a beloved community, welcoming to all.